annie&danny.

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

quotes from my happily married cousin.

"love is kissing the guy
even when he has the crappiest breath on earth
you grimace, but you still kiss XD"

"Love is... him kissing me on my eyelid cuz I like it and feels nice, even though he feels its creepy/gross and might suck my eyeball out"

Edit 8:56 PM, after she read my blog:
"yaknow, don't even think about "When am I gonna meet him???"
just say "How can I be the best, most lovable me for when he arrives?"

i love her.

rehabilitation.

working from home to allow myself some intensive recovery time.

prescribed treatment:

• big hug from mom in the morning and her constant prayers.
• shed some tears and wet her shoulders.
• new lcd soundsystem album, downloaded for me by jimmy.
• words of wisdom from my cousin sylvia.
• puppygirl sadie napping peacefully behind me. some twitches.
  
• two computers and a wide screen.

one huge void.

i lost my best friend. i miss him so much it hurts.

i hate my birthdays.

last year right before my 25th birthday a cop pulled me over on a bad day. i started crying to him about another boy playing with my heart and he proceeded to tell me a sweet story about how he had his heart tossed around quite a bit and then met his wife when he was 25 and is happily married now. i sobbed, "but i'm turning 25 next week!" and he reassured me, "well then, maybe this is the year you'll find him!"

i'm 26 now. where is he?

a post for janice.

Proenza Schouler F/W 2010 boots. YUM.

funemployment.

Unemployment part two. This time around I'm used to the feeling, and I know things will work out as long as I take this as a chance to pursue better and more opportunities. It helps to have super supportive friends and family there for me. So with that said, I've decided to make a fuckit list of things I can now do with more time on my hands. Here's to FUNemployment!

Fuckit List:

1. Take full advantage of my Netflix queue. (3/30/10 - in progress)
2. Take Sadie for walks and playtime at different parks. (3/30/10 - in progress)
3. Paint again. Get into acrylics.
4. Get back into cooking.
5. Catch up on my reading (Vogue, Vogue Nippon, oh, and novels too.)
6. Catch up with friends I've neglected.
7. Visit the Griffith Observatory.
8. Dust off the ol' SLR. Maybe take a photography class too.
9. Bike riding by the beach.
10. Party EVERY NIGHT of the week for one whole week.
11. Completely spontaneous road trip... somewhere. (SF, Portland, SB?)
12. AdTech in SF.
13. Take one month-long trip somewhere.
14. Paint on a GIANT canvas that won't end up fitting in my house. Sell it.
15. Work out at least 5 times a week. (3/30/10 - in progress)
16. Sketch in random spots all over Southern California.
17. Get Sadie spayed. (4/9/10)
18. Come up with my own recipe for something awesome.
19. Take up turntablism.
20. Learn Clair de Lune on the piano.
21. Learn Japanese.
22. Make an onigiri.

Will add to it as I see fit.

crycrycrycry.

"After me, the flood." - Valentino

thanksgiving letter.

dear candy,

i can't remember what thanksgivings were like without you. i wonder if you're watching over us. or at least me. in my more bitter moments, i find myself asking, "where did you go? why did you leave me?" but he keeps telling me that you had to go. there are little reminders of you everywhere i go. like when i'm scooping out leftover rice from that plastic box you loved and some drops on the ground. i always pause for a few seconds waiting for you to come pick it up (and eat it) for me. then, of course, i realize that you aren't coming, and that i have to bend over and pick it up myself. i never realized how much work bending over can be. your fur balls are still scattered across our carpet. i think no one really wants to clean those up, because it's all we have left of you.

when i trigger the ice-maker on the fridge i always expect your little paws to come running in hopes for a dropped ice cube. it's always the worst when an ice cube drops now. you're not there. sometimes i still see you waiting outside the backyard door when i'm in the kitchen. then it hits me that you're not there. it's not you standing there, and i'm just seeing things. sometimes i come home, pull my car into the garage... the alarm is going off and i hear you barking your welcome greetings. then it always hits me that you're not there. it's not you barking, and i'm just hearing things. then sometimes i'm out with my friends or with him and i'm happy and it starts to get late, and i decide in my head it's time to go home. then there is that split second where i realize that you won't be home when i get there. sometimes it's really as if you never left me, because i can still see you and hear you and feel your fur between my fingers and your warm body in my arms. (...even though you hated being hugged for too long.)

i won't lie. it hasn't been easy.

thank you for being there for me when i needed you most. i don't know why you thought i'd be okay without you now, but i'm going to try my very best to prove you right. i won't let you down, candy. thank you for holding on until you knew i was okay.

i miss you and i love you always.

love,
me

set by duane michals.

i cried.

remember me as a time of day.

invisible.

I'm the next act

Waiting in the wings

I'm an animal

Trapped in your hot car

I am all the days

That you choose to ignore

You are all I need

You are all I need

I'm in the middle of your picture

Lying in the reeds

I'm a moth

Who just wants to share your light

I'm just an insect

Trying to get out of the night

I only stick with you

Because there are no others

You are all I need

You're all I need

I'm in the middle your picture

Lying in the reeds

It's all wrong

It's all right

It's all wrong

written october 27, 2008.

My top 5 live performances:

1. Radiohead - 2006 @ Embarcadero Center in SD
2. Portishead - 2008 @ Coachella
3. Ben Folds/Rufus Wainwright/Ben Lee - 2005 @ Some venue in SD
4. Radiohead - 2008 @ Hollywood Bowl
5. RJD2 - 2004 @ Troubadour

#3 and #4 were tough but the Ben Folds show won over Radiohead of 2008 simply because Ben Folds rocked the shit out of his piano and to this day the memory makes me sigh. Plus who can beat that lineup?! I was going to do top ten, but after #5 the rest are pretty much a toss-up. Also, I don't quite remember all the shows I've been to, especially the ones prior to 2004. Jon Brion's gig at Largo was definitely top-ten worthy. Might be a tie between him and RJD2 actually. I definitely encourage all to check his set out. He plays at Largo every Friday. Strangely enough none of the hip hop shows (Atmosphere, Eyedea, Typical Cats, Living Legends, Visionaries, etc.) stand out as being worthy of the top-ten. Electrelane in 2007 was definitely an awesome show, partially because it was their last tour EVAR -- now if only I remembered most of it and had not spent the latter half drunk/crying. Rilo Kiley in 2003/2004 (this is where my memory gets hazy) at the Glasshouse was memorable if not for the moment I started to black out and Jeff and I had to give up our spots up front to stand in the back right as Blake Sennett was getting a birthday stripper on stage as a gift from his bandmates. Ugh. Surprisingly, DJ Shadow in 2003 at the House of Blues in LA doesn't make my list either. It was a great show, but I'd expect more out of DJ Shadow. It's only worth mentioning just so I can say I saw him before he got all hyphy.

This was all thought up on my drive from my parents' house to my apartment last night, while listening to the In Rainbows album. Now might I mention that this album is one of few I can listen to from beginning to end without skipping a single track. I swear this record gets better each time I listen to it. On repeat. On loop. On shuffle. On forever.

never underestimate me.

I am pretty damn resilient.

Not to mention heartless when it comes to certain situations.

Comes in handy.

Generally, I am unimpressed by most of you "men" out there. And if for a second in time, you have managed to tickle my fancy in some way, I find that I always end up disappointed by some flaw of yours. Disappointed, bored and quite annoyed by your existence. Before you try to use some lame line on me, can you please try to get to know me better first? ME. Not my face or my lips or my ass or my skin or whatever your perverted mind is thinking about. And when you try to get to know me better, can you please refrain from constantly bragging about yourself? How about start off with asking me questions about myself? That's a new concept, isn't it? It's not that I don't wanna hear about you. Can you just please wait until you actually have something to show for yourself? Maybe THEN I will pause to think and realize maybe, just maybe, you aren't such a waste of space after all.

Why do I keep coming across the same guys over and over? Self-absorbed, self-centered, vapid, disgusting, not-headed-anywhere-in-life guys whose egos are bigger than their dicks.

Harsh it may seem, but my opinion is only my opinion. I'm sure there are females out there dying to make your acquaintance, or to make your bed in the morning.

reading list.

Note to self:

Must add to reading list Haruki Murakami's South of the Border, West of the Sun, per Take's suggestion.

vampire.

"I believe all will happen as it will and should."

- Takeaki Yamazaki

dvf quote from "influence."

"Life is about giving, you know? That's a lesson I can give. It's a luxury to give. And even if people take advantage of you a little bit, it's okay. And you have to learn not to get into something that you don't understand. You have to be careful whom you give money or your time to. You should always understand. You're totally capable of understanding everything."

- Diane von Furstenberg

worst news of the year.

Sorry, Radiohead fans. The band won't be releasing any more full-length records. In a recent interview, the group's lead singer, Thom Yorke, said: "None of us want to go into that creative hoo-ha of a long-play record again. Not straight off. I mean, it's just become a real drag. It worked with In Rainbows because we had a real fixed idea about where we were going. But we've all said that we can't possibly dive into that again. It'll kill us."

:'(

my friend sent me this conversation.

My friend is living in Beijing right now and he sent me this conversation he was having with a local girl about learning English/Chinese... It is quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen all week. (He's the "T")

[18:04] fiul: oh,you exchange with others
[18:06] fiul: this good for you
[18:06] T: what is good?
[18:07] fiul: oral exchanges with others often
[18:08] T: oh, i don't do it very often
[18:08] T: i would like to
[18:08] T: but sometimes it's hard because i spend a lot of time at work
[18:08] T: how about you?
[18:09] fiul: but ,your colleagues say the english
[18:10] fiul: my mother tongue is putonghua
[18:10] T: yes, do you do oral exchanges often?
[18:12] fiul: not usual,iam trying learn english
[18:13] T: i see
[18:13] T: are you good at oral?
[18:14] fiul: not very good
[18:14] T: you can practice on me if you like
[18:15] fiul: really ,iam gald to know you
[18:16] T: oh it's no problem
[18:16] T: i actually like it when people practice oral on me
[18:16] T: i can help you improve
[18:17] fiul: thank you very much
[18:17] fiul: but i have a problem
[18:18] T: it's hard to swallow?
[18:19] fiul: when i listen english ,that fast,so i dont understand
[18:20] T: well the key is repetition
[18:20] T: and you have to use your tongue differently than you're used to
[18:20] T: and you can't be afraid
[18:20] T: just have to enjoy it
[18:21] fiul: oh
[18:21] fiul: is right
[18:22] T: yes, you should trust me
[18:22] T: i'm very experienced with receiving oral
[18:22] T: but it never gets old. i enjoy it every time
[18:25] fiul: oh,i trust you ,i now how to do it
[18:25] T: oh! well that's good then
[18:25] T: you should show me some time
[18:27] fiul: you decide
[18:28] T: ok
[18:28] T: i'm going to shanghai this weekend
[18:28] T: maybe next week?
[18:30] fiul: i'm so sorry ,holiday,i will not beijing