insomnia.

I have insomnia lately. Don't ask why because I have no idea. My fellow insomniac partner and best friend, Erin, is nowhere to be found online, so in a rather pathetic act of desperation, I've decided to revive this very dead blog. I want to attempt a new direction for this blog. "Attempt" being the key word. The fashion industry and fashion blogs have annoyed me to no end as of late. I'm sick of the shallow imbeciles and their banter about insignificant business -- most of which is just regurgitating what their peers are blogging about. Then again, my theory is that most young people around my age regurgitate pretty much anything. I may be guilty of this as well, which is why 2009 is a year of soul searching for me. It isn't quite as daunting as I expected it to be, however I do tend to fall into this dangerous pattern of laziness which gets me nowhere. Oh well.

I ended off 2008 losing everything I started off 2008 with, but this has proved to be quite the blessing in disguise, and I'm actually happier and more carefree than ever. I spent the last month or so of 2008 filtering out a good amount of junk from my life. Burning bridges, if you will. I no longer struggle with trust issues with acquaintances or fair-weather friends. Now March and April is the time for me to pack my bags and fly off to Asia to explore the cultures of Japan, Korea, Taiwan and China. I anticipate a nice and inspiring change from the culture-deprived Orange County and the mindless drones this god-forsaken place has created.

Speaking of inspiration, it just occurred to me why my soul-searching bout has been quite unproductive so far. I'm completely uninspired! The most inspired I feel is when I'm driving when I imagine in my head my next painting. I work myself up and become eager to get home to my sketchbook and paints. But by the time I get home, I never actually even touch my materials! It's frustrating because I just can't bring myself to do anything remotely creative that would have been therapeutic and healthy for me. Drawing, painting, writing, dancing, piano -- nothing! I am so damn lazy it disgusts me sometimes.

Although, to be honest, I must say I really am not all that disgusted with myself. I've been having a blast keeping in touch with and hanging out with my best friends as much as possible, getting to know new friends from my Miss Chinatown alumni network, and just keeping an open mind with the people that are still around me. The latter half of 2008 became a bit dreary for me and my outlook on life was literally killing me. I really have my best friends to thank for saving me.

With that said, happy 2009 to all. I will attempt to sleep now.