stay away from being maybe.

I woke up at 7:30 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep so I started listening to Telefon Tel Aviv. This album (Immolate Yourself) always reminds me of Asia (namely Japan). I lay in bed for a while with my eyes closed and my sheets up to my nose and threw myself back into my memories of Japan. Two months later and I can still feel the icy cold air biting at my cheeks. I can still feel the chaos of people slightly brushing against me on the streets. I can still see the bright lights and characters I don't understand. I can still hear the intercom at the train station, and the tones that sounded each time a train pulled up. I can still see the landscape, homes and buildings fly by me as I sat on the trains with my nose glued to the windows. It still feels like I'm there sometimes -- almost as if my life here is unreal and one day I will wake up and be in Japan again. I will open my eyes and find myself sitting inside that little red booth inside that little red bar in Tokyo, with my friends by my side all swaying to the sounds coming from the two Japanese kids performing on stage. I can still feel how free it felt to be there, and waking up this morning in my white bed in my white room reminded me of all the colors of Japan... and how out of place I feel here at times.

If I close my eyes again I can bring my soul back to that place where I felt 110% alive and myself. The anonymity that comes with being in a new place makes it so easy to be exploring and watching with my mind and my heart open. Living life back at home and getting caught up in everyday business -- I sometimes find myself losing that sense of openness. I have to pause and reflect and imagine I'm taking myself from this place. Even if only for a second in time, I plant myself back in the mob of people in the middle of Shibuya, where somehow feeling alone in a strange place full of strange people made me feel more at home than ever before. I hope someday when my journey slows down I can finally feel at home while at home.