spineless.

Today as I was browsing through my daily blog list, I saw this piece by Maria Francesca Pepe and found myself enthralled by the illusion created by the print on the dress coupled with the model's pose. Pondering who the real genius is behind the result.

stay away from being maybe.

I woke up at 7:30 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep so I started listening to Telefon Tel Aviv. This album (Immolate Yourself) always reminds me of Asia (namely Japan). I lay in bed for a while with my eyes closed and my sheets up to my nose and threw myself back into my memories of Japan. Two months later and I can still feel the icy cold air biting at my cheeks. I can still feel the chaos of people slightly brushing against me on the streets. I can still see the bright lights and characters I don't understand. I can still hear the intercom at the train station, and the tones that sounded each time a train pulled up. I can still see the landscape, homes and buildings fly by me as I sat on the trains with my nose glued to the windows. It still feels like I'm there sometimes -- almost as if my life here is unreal and one day I will wake up and be in Japan again. I will open my eyes and find myself sitting inside that little red booth inside that little red bar in Tokyo, with my friends by my side all swaying to the sounds coming from the two Japanese kids performing on stage. I can still feel how free it felt to be there, and waking up this morning in my white bed in my white room reminded me of all the colors of Japan... and how out of place I feel here at times.

If I close my eyes again I can bring my soul back to that place where I felt 110% alive and myself. The anonymity that comes with being in a new place makes it so easy to be exploring and watching with my mind and my heart open. Living life back at home and getting caught up in everyday business -- I sometimes find myself losing that sense of openness. I have to pause and reflect and imagine I'm taking myself from this place. Even if only for a second in time, I plant myself back in the mob of people in the middle of Shibuya, where somehow feeling alone in a strange place full of strange people made me feel more at home than ever before. I hope someday when my journey slows down I can finally feel at home while at home.

quote to live by.

"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom: absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken."

- Anais Nin

truth.

Ok, I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

The partying/promotion scene seems to be the only place where really ugly dudes with no money can get girls.

likelovehate.

It concerns me how casual people are nowadays with affection. Physically, verbally, intimately, etc. I was never one to be able to kiss or hold someone without some sort of emotional attachment. I guess there was a point in my life where I had the ability to, and therefore power tripped like no other, spiraled out of control and into a serious identity crisis as a result. (I have evidence from countless journal entries on how lost I really was). I even documented the exact moment I snapped out of it...

March 13, 2007
it's weird where our people have come to. to lay in the arms of one person while our hearts are with another. to kiss and touch and feel another person's skin without feeling anything at all. i have not felt anything for anyone in a long time. the minute i get into my car i am over it, surprising even myself. i guess i really am stronger than i thought. i told you the biggest mistake anyone ever made was underestimating me...

Fast forward to 2009 and it seems that so many people around me are still the same way. To be specific, some of the most beautiful words in the English language have lost all meaning because of this casual affection phenomenon. Why?! How is it so easy to say something you don't have any intention of backing up? I have always promised to live my life with meaning, not only in my actions but in every word I speak and every breath I breathe. There are certain words I reserve for those who truly deserve it. If you are a male, believe me, I will NEVER tell you I'm in love with you unless I'm really in love with you. I don't fall in love easily, whereas some people seem to be able to fall in love every 6 months (lucky bastards).

But I digress. My point is, I feel like so many things in life have lost their meaning because they've been completely overused and beaten to the ground. I'm all for good conversation, but some words are precious and need to be reserved for truly special ears to hear. I am not those ears.